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I had my first lussebulle of the year today.

This delicious pastry is a soft saffron bun baked especially for Lucia Day in December. They arrived early this year, and I couldn’t resist having one. So good!

I got curious to find out if the lussebulle (lusse is like a nickname for Lucia, bulle means bun in Swedish) was something typical for Sweden. Turns out it pretty much is. I’d never thought about it before, it’s just something I take for granted.

While sipping my coffee, I kept thinking about taking things for granted. It’s so easy to do. We’re so used to it, so why even bother thinking about it, right?

But some of the things we expect, or even demand, would be a dream come true for others: a home, a job, family and friends, good health, food, clean water, freedom, peace, equality...

Being able to check off just a few of those each day is a rare luxury for many people. What’s a given for us has been taken away from them.

Let’s not forget.

Do you floss your teeth?

Sometimes. I’d say maybe a few times a week? I’m terrible at being consistent, and that includes flossing regularly.

Tea, coffee, or water?

Coffee in the morning, tea (sometimes) later in the day, not enough water the rest of the time. Did I mention I’m terrible at being consistent? That includes drinking enough water.

Footwear preference?

Right now, I’d say flip flops, even though they are a terrible choice when you have to walk around the woods.

Favourite dessert?

Probably Crema catalana. It’s the one dessert I’m resisting the temptation to buy what’s needed to make it myself at home because I know I’d end up eating it every day, three times a day.

The first thing you do when you wake up?

I say hi to the dog that’s for sure sleeping somewhere near.

Age you’d like to stick at?

From a purely physical perspective, I’d say 22. If I have to consider all factors, I’d say 36. And I’m 36.

How many hats do you own?

Do beanies and toques count as hats? Because if they do, then I own 7 hats. If they don’t, then I’m down to 3.

Describe the last photo you took?

It’s from a walk with the dog the other day: clear sky and some tree branches and leaves illuminated by a lovely light. Most of my gallery looks like that.

Worst TV show?

I don’t watch TV, and the last time I watched a TV series, I think it was in the dark days of the COVID shutdown, which happened what, 32 years ago? I don’t even know what’s on TV these days.

As a child, what was your aspiration for adulthood?

The oldest memory I have of a job I wanted to do was car designer. I remember loving seeing yellow FIAT Coupé around. Funny because now I couldn’t care less about cars.

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Bingeworthy#

• This is a product i created a few years back but it went off the air when Twitter exploded for app devs, now it's back and still lovely. #

• BingeWorthy screen shot.#

Alex Baumhardt:

On Monday, the USDA notified states that there would be no November funding, and Oregon’s human services agency on Monday notified recipients they would not be receiving the assistance after Oct. 31.

In a reply to Baumhardt on Bluesky, I mentioned that in fact I very much have not been notified, and only learned of this from Oregon Capital Chronicle and from Alejandro Figueroa at OPB.

To make this even more ridiculous, reporting requirements continue during this lack of SNAP. While it’s technically true that it’s most likely possible to do a one-off replacement of the SNAP funds that aren’t coming in November due to the Republicans’ government shutdown, it’s also true that I’d then have to report that to the state as income, which then can impact my program eligibility level.

“I’m not sure but we will address it,” my landlord replied to me last Thursday.

This morning began with leaf blowers outside my bedroom window at 8:45 AM, and continued with the apartment renovation noises kicking in around 12:15 PM, which admittedly is much later in the day than usual but also is not “not at all”.

When I left the apartment this afternoon to go for my usual hour sitting outside my regular coffeeshop to read over a decaf americano, I noticed something new at the sidewalk. “Does the existence of a portapotty outside today answer my original question?” I sent my landlord.

Now that my fears are confirmed, I have to wonder just how much urine is outside my living room windows, because the renovations have been ongoing for a month. I should note that the guy in question is here today, which means urinating outside a tenant’s window apparently is not considered to be a fireable offense.

What’s more, now I get anxiety every time I leave my apartment or return to it and I see the guy outside. This comes on top of the ongoing, continuing nervous system dysregulation of the noise of the renovations itself, because even needing to wear earplugs or headphones all day in my own house itself creates its own psychic weight.

Just before writing this, I had to go on a quick grocery errand. Sitting here afterward and writing this all out, my heart rate remained at around 117 BPM. At publication time, it was still 105 BPM.

So, if you’re wondering how the autistic burnout is going, and the denial of any real opportunity to recover, wonder no more.

Addenda

1. Not more than about half an hour after posting this, the Health app sent me an alert: there’d been a new trend spotted in my time asleep. It seems that on average I’ve gone from 8h:34m of sleep per night to 7h:23m of sleep over the past twenty-two weeks, going back to the end of May.

   That puts the new trend starting around the time I did that big Saturday push to go to the Forestry Center for a Twin Peaks thing and then tacked on a side trip to Oregon Zoo, all of which then hammered me pretty hard. Two weeks later, I marched in No Kings and then just days after pushed to do the day trip to Seattle for baseball, all of which hammered me pretty hard.

   One month later, I laid out how dark I consider any future for me that involves having no independent movement, followed quickly by the entire “behind my back” disability lawyer thing, et cetera et cetera et cetera, all of which has hammered me pretty hard.

   Such a dramatic and dysregulating shift in sleep should not come as any surprise, but it’s always nice to have actual data to back up that something is wrong, and everyone and everything really needs to clear the fuck out of my way. Even though, as the original post shows, this clearly isn’t going to happen any time soon.

2. So, while I wait for official confirmation from my landlord that their workers have been peeing outside my living room windows, and that’s why there’s now a portapotty out front, one of them once again this evening around my dinnertime just did whatever it is they do for that 30-60 seconds between my living room windows.

   It’s bad enough that the renovation noise in and of itself is part of why I’m not able to try to recover from autistic burnout, but now I no longer feel comfortable or, frankly, safe around the people they’ve hired to do the work. It’s no wonder my heart has continued to hover right around 100 BPM for the past two hours.

   What’s more, they continue to linger out there despite the workday being done, depriving me of my self-regulating time out front reading over coffee or at least having a coffee and cookie, before it gets dark. It’s not enough for them to contribute to my increasing dysregulation, they have to steal my capacity to engage in self-regulating behaviors, too?

3. If it wouldn’t only cause me more dysregulation from being on public display, I’d walk down to Stormbreaker and ask to use the rage room.

   I’m tired.

   I’m tired of being autistic.

   I’m tired of being trapped.

4. Sometimes I wish I were suicidal. (I'm not.) At least then it would seem like there were something I could do. Instead of there being nothing I can do.

5. For the record, it is the next afternoon and I still have not had a single communication from the landlord since “we will address it” back on Thursday.

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After a decade as a sumo fan and a year of anticipation for the London event I was almost tearful watching the opening moments of day one on iPlayer. Seeing familiar sumo rituals performed at possibly the most beautiful venue in the world is something else.

Geri’s fully weedled her way into sumo over the last few years and befriended several top-division rikishi. She designed a stunning fabric for veteran Tamawashi, which made quite an impact this summer when numerous wrestlers wore it as yukata (she wore one herself at the recent Tokyo tournament and again yesterday). As soon as she returned from her latest trip, she was off to London, helping some of them see the sights, including a photoshoot at Abbey Road that’s had tens of thousands of views and been shared by the Mayor of London. She also sat ringside on day four.

Unexpected commitments forced me to reduce a planned few days in London to just a few hours — long enough to join Geri for the final day’s action. Our seats were up in the Gods, but what a treat to see sumo at the Royal Albert Hall. The fighting across the five days was exhibition-level at times, but then it was technically a touring event where nobody wants to risk injury (and possible demotion) between the main bashos. None of this mattered because it was still fun and it’s all about the show as a whole. It’s been wonderful having them all here. For all of us who care about this sport and all its brilliant details, it’s been quite a week.

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