[DREAM] The missing ticket

 I was at an airport and I was late to board my plane. I had my phone out and I was frantically looking for my airplane ticket. Every time I thought I found it I would show it to the clerk who invariably proceeded to tell me that what I was showing them wasn't a valid ticket, which threw me again into a panic as I looked for it. I was flustered and stressed that I wouldn't be able to get to my flight in time. I felt like an idiot for not having had my boarding pass ready beforehand.


I think all of this happened in the check-in part, so before I was actually inside the gates area. I get the impression that I was going to travel by myself for work reasons, and losing my flight meant I had to explain to my boss why, since the company had paid for it; though I wasn't really that worried about this as I was about not finding the ticket.

It's an interesting dream. Airplanes take you places, and I interpret them to be a symbol of growth. The check-in booth is important since it is a liminal area, representing the threshold between normal life and access to the mechanisms of change and travel.

My misplacing of the tickets is strange, since I'm usually quite well organized in these matters, not to mention that technology makes most of the work for us nowadays. This means that perhaps this is an important symbol here. The ticket is sort of my authorization to undergo the process of transformation. Maybe the fact that I thought I had it but can't find it suggests I'm not yet internally convinced that I'm actually ready to undergo this transformation, even though I desire it?

Another interesting symbol is the clerk. He stoutly keeps rejecting my attempts at authentication, over and over. Maybe he can be seen as a king of critic here? I wonder though if he's being a protector (protecting me from something I'm not ready to experience), or whether he's a negative influence (sabotaging my attempt at self-growth). Maybe he can actually be both at the same time? The strict, unfriendly attitude seems to suggest the latter, but the fact that I don't view him as the enemy (I'm my own enemy here) suggests it can also be a bit of the former. Though I think it's more negative than positive, as the attitude does seem to be saying You're probably not good enough.

A core conclusion that comes to mind here is that I might be stuck in some sort of loop. I know I have the tickets, but my standards for allowing myself to grow are impossibly high.

Meadow

24 Jul 2025 at 16:06

[NOW] Now (July 14, 2025)

 Last updated: 2025-07-14

Hi, welcome to my now page! You can see previous versions of this page here.

Now

  • Currently on a long holiday in Italy!
  • My experiment of replacing my phone time with just reading has been going great! I've already finished three books since I started, which is a lot more than I usually read. I feel my mind is a lot freer. Though I did download Terraria to play with my brother, but we haven't had any sessions yet.
  • I mentioned in the last "now page update" about creative writing practice. I really want to continue with it but it's hard to find the time. I could do it in the evenings when the kids are asleep, but my energy levels are low, and it's also the usual adult socialization time with the rest of the family. Anyway, I don't want to let this go.
  • I've been trying to distance myself from Amazon and the Kindle environment. To this end, I've been toying with KOReader, and its excellent set of plugins. There's even one that automatically uploads your status and quotes to Hardcover! It's truly what I've always wanted Kindle + Goodreads to be, but better.
  • Depression has been much better. Not sure if anything specific changed, but I'm not one to look a gift horse in the mouth 😋 I've ben trying to be more mindful about what I feel, and taking some me time whenever I feel dark thoughts crowding in on my mind. I know that if they manage to overcrowd everything then they'll be there most of the day, so it's important to stop them before that can happen.
    • These past few days, as I fall asleep, I've been thinking about the history of my depression. I didn't use to have any when I was younger (well, except for a surprise bout once when I was a teenager), and it's a curious exercise trying to revisit all the places I've lived in and what happened in them. There are many things I feel guilty about, and I wonder if those have anything to do with it. This also made me think that I haven't been to a therapist in ages!
      • Funny that when one is feeling bad then it's really hard making oneself go see a therapist even though there's the desire to do so. But when one is feeling good (as I do right now) I do have the energy, but I feel it's unnecessary.

Reading

(you can also find me on Hardcover)

Watching

  • After being having it recommended multiple times I've finally given in and started watching Naruto. It takes a bit to get going, but so far I'm enjoying it!
    • Though my watching is currently on pause. Probably until I get back from my vacation.

Projects

  • I've been thinking of adding something to my site that pulls data books I'm currently reading from Hardcover and displays it here with my reading progress. Though I likely won't have time to do it until I'm back home.
    • Maybe even add a list of recently finished ones? Or a sortable table of ratings and whatnot?
Meadow

14 Jul 2025 at 01:00



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