art is not something to be graded

  originally published on: instagram photo of my sketchbook with a painting of some food I ate at wildseed cafe

a waitress saw that i was painting this and she gestured to her colleague to take a look. he joked that he couldn’t recognise what they were. later on he said that he envied that i could paint, because he couldn’t do it no matter how hard he tried despite actually wanting to. it turned out that he was expecting too much out of his work, and gave up when he couldn’t meet his own expectations. to me my painting is just painting, i do it for fun. it can be unrecognisable or ugly, but it is mine. art is not something to be graded. some things are beautiful simply because they exist. it may not seem so to you, but it is difficult for art to exist, precisely because we live in such a world.


Somehow I’ve lost my momentum for posting my art. Perhaps it has to do with the decision to mirror a copy on this website – so instead of quickly uploading it on instagram I now have to log into this website on desktop (because mobile sucks for wordpress).

But I think in the long run the effort is worth it though. Because unlike ephemerality of social media, the content will sit safely here in a format which I can search for and retrieve easily. Imagine trying to retrieve a particular photo on instagram – we have to scroll endlessly on the timeline hoping that we can capture a glimpse of it.

Winnie Lim

21 Feb 2024 at 11:22

autistic shutdown?

 

Someone on mastodon mentioned that the state I was describing in my last post – Which after I simply slumped and curled up into a ball on the floor. I laid there for a long while, unable to move – seems similar to the autistic shutdown:

@wynlim There’s not necessarily a one-to-one comparison or connection here, but the state with which you start that post is somewhat akin to autistic shutdown. It’s the sort of thing where for me I’ve had to work at cultivating self-compassion.
https://bix.blog/2023/04/13/my-unified-field-theory-of-shutdown-and-meltdown/

@bixfrankonis@social.lol

I thought that was an interesting observation for me. I have discussed with my partner countless times if I could be autistic, but I don’t exhibit the typical symptoms like aversion to touch or eye contact. The only overlap I have is sensory sensitivity: I can’t stand bright lights, noise, even video calls.

I feel like I am in nowhere land: I have adhd symptoms but apparently not classically adhd enough, my sensitivity to stimuli sometimes makes me feel like I am on the spectrum but again I don’t have the classic symptoms. I guess I am neurodivergent in a way that doesn’t fit anywhere defined on this earth.

I am still learning about myself as I approach my mid-40s. It is incredible how much we can be blind to our selves.


related posts
Winnie Lim

20 Feb 2024 at 11:42



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