/reader

I said there were a few tears involved when there were actually a lot. I said I wasn't ashamed to admit it but maybe, at some level, I was and this is why I brushed it off.

Although things had been rumbling around for a while and I was back on my meds (that didn't appear to be working) it was that day last year which triggered everything that followed.

New meds, five months off work, and therapy later, I'm now in a much better place. Not perfect but better. I still struggle, and likely always will, but I'm proud to have come as far as I have.

There's still a way to go.

Even today, I had an anxiety attack in the supermarket — my whole body screaming at me to get out. I didn't have my earbuds with me so tried to focus on exactly what I was there to do. Ignore everyone, don't look at anyone or assume they're looking at me. Just focus on the shopping list and get out as quick as possible.

I'm trying to take the positives rather than focus on the negatives. It's hard — I manage most of the time. They are days, however, when I feel myself sliding.

I've learned to accept it and not chastise myself for feeling low. Not dwell in it as I would have in the past; accept that it will happen but I will come back up on the other side.

I'm winning more battles than I lose and that is all I can ask for.

As I've written on this in previous years, I have taken many breaks (mainly due to mental health reasons) but this is my home on the web. No matter what else I may do, I always return. Sometimes it takes longer than others, sometimes I don't post very regularly, but the blog will always be where my heart lies.

I don't know what the future holds for this site, whether I add or remove any features or do a redesign. I do know, however, that it will not be abandoned as long as I am able to connect to the web and put a few words on the page.

# Kev asks "What kinda blogs do you read?"

Like him, I enjoy blogs where the author gets meta about their blogging setup and process. I have my way of doing things and it's good to see what other people are up to. I'm a self-confessed (slightly lapsed) nerd but don't keep up with all the latest developments in CSS etc. Having folks write about new tips and tricks is always good.

Also like Kev, I have long wanted to get to know the person behind the words. As such, some of my favourite blogs are those where the person gets personal — the more so the better. I love seeing what people get up to away from the web and their blogs, what makes them tick.

I built /reader with the deliberate intention of being a public/private feed reader so that others could always see what feeds I subscribe to and grab the OPML file. I have taken to calling it my readroll instead of a blogroll. I go through cycles of adding feeds then culling them when my available headspace demands. Curiously, I won't re-add a site just because it was there before — I have to rediscover it and enjoy some posts before putting it back. Consequently, things are often in a state of flux but there will usually be a core group of feeds that never leave.