I have a killer business idea.
I’m just going to take one penny from every bank account in the world.
I’m not going to ask; you can’t say no. It really won’t affect you. You probably won’t even notice, and even if you do, again, it will not affect you. What’s a penny? Nothing.
It will benefit me though. Big time. I’m going to have a ridiculous amount of money, which will make me important and that money will generate more money automatically.
I suspect a couple dozen other companies will follow me in this, as it’s obviously a pretty sweet business idea. But for you? What’s a quarter? “NBD” the kids would say.
Fine β we’ll make it so you can say no. Feel better? We’re not going to not take the penny, but we hear you. We’ll take that under consideration. We definitely plan to consider your request. Bear in mind the technology actually doesn’t exist to put the penny back in your bank account. Nor does the incentive, am I right Todd? Haha, that’s just a joke between me and Todd. He’s my money guy.
We understand that some of you might take some kind of “moral stand” against this penny harvesting. I’ll say this: if your market cap is over a billion dollars, we will consider talking to you about not taking your penny. Well, our lawyers will talk. I’m afraid the rest of you will be subject to our penny harvester. It’s actually named PENNY-x-FINANCE4o. Cool right? Rolls off the tongue.
If you’d like to come say hi our headquarters are in Beautiful Small Town, Tennessee. There is this majestic waterfall that we pipe right into our server farms. We actually renamed it Takeapenny Falls.
We’re hiring!!!!
