It’s all in how you carry it

 

“People are afraid of themselves, of their own reality; their feelings most of all. People talk about how great love is, but that’s bullshit. Love hurts. Feelings are disturbing. People are taught that pain is evil and dangerous. How can they deal with love if they’re afraid to feel? Pain is meant to wake us up. People try to hide their pain. But they’re wrong. Pain is something to carry, like a radio. You feel your strength in the experience of pain. It’s all in how you carry it. That’s what matters. Pain is a feeling. Your feelings are a part of you. Your own reality. If you feel ashamed of them, and hide them, you’re letting society destroy your reality. You should stand up for your right to feel your pain.”

Jim Morrison

Sometimes I feel strong and capable.

Other times I feel fragile, so uncertain, overwhelmed by my own inadequacy.

That’s when I am most lonely. I crave comfort. I know I’ll come back around to confidence and choice and strength.

I live there more and more of the time.

But when I swing to the other side of the pendulum I want to be held and reminded of goodness and relieved of my watchfulness for a time. It’s hard to live without that.

We pay such high prices, no matter what we choose.

The dark nights of the soul come and go. So far I’ve lived through every one.

We pay such high prices, no matter what we choose.

Pain is part of every equation. The important thing is to choose something worth the price.

What is the return on my effort? What am I purchasing with my pain?

The post It’s all in how you carry it appeared first on annie mueller.

annie mueller

03 Feb 2023 at 10:12

POV you’re a kid

 

Grit on your feet and sand in your hair.

Skin feels tight from full days in the sun and water and nights around the smoking campfire.

Tender burned spots on your shoulders and back of your legs where you didn’t put enough sunscreen on.

You’re in the back of the station wagon, watching the trees blur into a green line. Ham and cheese on white bread. A bag of chips. A soda that’s not quite cold but tastes good enough anyway.

You use your toes to scratch at a mosquito bite on one leg.

It’s a little too warm on the backseat, the AC doesn’t blow strong enough to counteract the hot humid air. There are stripes of sun on your right side until you round a bend and dip into a valley. The trees grow tall on both sides of the road. The ditch is an unpaved mess, tangled grass that creeps onto the shoulder of the road but stops abruptly at the trees. There are some lines even weeds know not to cross.

You’re drowsy. Three full days of swimming, running on trails, climbing trees, sleeping in a tent, sitting in the front of a beat-up ski boat that bounces you on the waves and makes you feel fast and alive and unstoppable.

You’re worried about some things, like every kid is, but your body knows how to shut down the thoughts. You haven’t learned yet to ignore your body, to dismiss yourself so easily. So your head leans to the side and your eyes slide shut and you’ll sleep until the crunch of tires on gravel wakes you up, the slowing, the turn, the familiar sound easing you back, bringing you home.

The post POV you’re a kid appeared first on annie mueller.

annie mueller

01 Feb 2023 at 14:01

If you feel okay

 

It’s okay to grieve what you have lost.

I mean, of course. Of course it is.

There’s nothing wrong with emotion, with the feelings of anguish and anger, but you don’t have to cling to those feelings. You don’t have to feel a certain amount of bad to validate your experience. 

If the pain fades, you can let it fade. 

If change seems positive despite what you’ll be leaving behind, you can let yourself feel excited.

You don’t have to approach every change in your life the same way.

You get to be all over the place.

And you don’t have to feel bad about feeling good. Like, if you’re dealing with a big-bad-scary-sad change, and at some point in there you look up and think, “Huh, I’m feeling kinda good today,” you can just let yourself feel that way. 

No need to explain, no need to justify, no need to compare. 

You’re not erasing anything. You don’t undo the depth of your grief by having a moment of okayness. 

We all need reprieve. 

The post If you feel okay appeared first on annie mueller.

annie mueller

30 Jan 2023 at 14:00



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