Love this post Irrational Dedication, via Duncan Davidson:
Every single thing we see, someone had to will it into existence against the entropy of the universe and the indifference of everyone else. That’s what the entire built world is.
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By a convenience of dates, I can today count in exact months how long I’ve spent in each of three phases of my life:
(I drew a pretty pie chart but a crash ate it.)
Or in other numbers: I’ve now spent ~70% of my adult life, or ~41% of my entire life, living by a name I chose for myself.
I used a deed poll to change my name. And nowadays – with several iterations of my personal documentation issued over the 18½ years I’ve been using my name – it doesn’t even come up any more, except when somebody observes “hey, that’s an unusual name you’ve got there!” I haven’t even looked at my deed poll in over a decade, for example. My name today is more well-established as the one I was given at birth was by the time I reached adulthood.
And so it occurred to me this weekend, while I was reimplementing FreeDeedPoll.org.uk: because I was born in Scotland, there’s no reason I can’t also get my name changed on the one remaining bit of documentation that still has my birth name: my birth certificate! Scottish law allows me to have this retroactively changed for a modest fee, which would result in a re-issued birth certificate that showed “Dan Q” (with my birth name included as an “also known as”).
I’m flip-flopping on whether I should. Want to see my pros/cons lists?
Pros:
Cons:
I don’t know which way I’ll eventually fall on this. Considering how… inconsequential it’d be, either way, to my day-to-day life… it’s surprising how much of an itch it is, at the back of my brain!
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The idea was to start offering sound production services again, as a side activity. I didn't think that through. Taking six months for a 6-song album uncovered an obvious problem, especially if compared to how, back in the day, it used to take less than three weeks, including all the back-and-forth with the author, and proper quality testing.
I can go on however I want to find reasons as to why it took me so long, but it boils down to a simple linear truth: I don't want to do it. Having a day job means that I can only use a few hours here and there, or the weekend, or my holidays, to work on music production. Reality showed me that it's my free time, time to do personal stuff, enjoy relationships, go visit places, do house chores, et cetera.
Having said that, I'm proud of the album, no matter how my obsessed mind will always consider my work as sub-par. Obsessed by a past standard that's currently unattainable to me, that I used to achieve because I poured ten hours a day into the craft, every day, for years. Yet, the simple fact of being proud of this new production is a giant step for me. It means starting to accept that perfection is not of this world, and that sometimes good enough is the best for everyone.
A fulfilling explanation of how things are with me and music production came out of a nice discussion with another friend and musician, with whom I've been collaborating for almost ten years. We share the same age and a similar living situation, so we found each other agreeing with wanting to savour our free time in peace, without obsessing over having to perform something else at any cost.
We also shared the logical result of the above: turn our focus on our music instead. Having no deadline, whatever and whenever it comes to us, work on new music to keep the flame going. Do we have something to say, something to play? Let's record that, and produce the outcome at our pace.
Acceptance is sometimes hard, but when it comes it's satisfying.
