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It feels good. Another very positive step.

The psychiatrist was running through statistics around the likelihood of relapse (it jumps up significantly the more depressive episodes you have) but I definitely feel in a much better place to avoid triggering another and spiralling from things that may have gotten to me before.

Today was my last CBT session. I can officially say I'm no longer in therapy. \o/

When I woke this morning I realised that we had reached a point where I had discussed all things I needed to and had been given the tools required to help maintain my improved mood and outlook. Going on any longer might have been self-defeating as I would just be digging for things to talk about and creating problems that didn't really exist.

I have an appointment with the psychiatrist on Thursday in which I think he will discharge me.

I am under no illusions that everything is suddenly perfect (over thirty years of living with mental health issues has taught me otherwise) but I feel that I am now better equipped to deal with things as they arise.

There's some that I'm still proud of even if they sound a bit crap compared to what I'm doing now.

I'm not sure I could.

When I first started back in '99 I was only using ReBirth V2. The limitations imposed by that forced a specific kind of naive creativity that I don't think I could replicate even if I only used the RD-8, RD-9 and two TD-3s – essentially the same but in hardware form but without a couple of features that made Rebirth unique.

The difference in sound between the software emulation and the TD-3s would also be a sticking point, not to mention that I doubt I could rework a lot of the old patterns by ear alone.

A lot of files were lost, and others got damaged, when an old hard drive corrupted. I then struggled creatively and, in a fit of rage frustration, deleted everything. I still had copies of my CDs from MP3.com and the mp3s but all the original project files were gone. This was some time in 2001.

I made a couple of attempts at reinstalling everything, writing only one track I was happy with, over the next two or three years but gave it up as a lost cause.

When Propellerheads (now Reason Studios) release Figure for the iPhone I spent a couple of months having fun with it but the app was only ever designed as a sort of sonic sketch pad, letting you come up with ideas on the go.

Later, I played around with Auxy, another iPhone app. After originally singing its praises I got into another creative rut and switched to Android soon after. So that was that.

I think it took the switch to hardware to force a mental reboot. The different approach forced me to stop trying to do things like I did twenty years ago. Going purely hardware at the start imposed its own set of limitations but I was having fun with music again. That was the important thing, even if some of it wasn't particularly good. I was adapting my processes and thinking creatively again for the first time in a while.

I've now settled into a more balanced workflow, blending hardware and software, and it's the most productive I have been in years.

Some might think that producing acid techno at my age is my version of a midlife crisis (maybe it is) but this is just the type of music I like to make and listen to. What's the difference between that and groups like the Rolling Stones still performing into their 80s?

There was never a risk of me doing "something stupid" during any period of depression so I wouldn't say the music saved my life but, in a way, I feel like it's given me my life back.

If that makes sense.

It was very positive and upbeat reflecting the lift in my mood over the past month or so.

It's no coincidence that the improvement has come since I've been working so much on the music. Having something to focus on, indulging a passion, something for just me, has reinjected a necessary sense of (almost what you could call) purpose that I don't get from work.

It's not just about getting to a good place but maintaining it once you're there.

When I said that my brain has been too full (in a good way) for negative thoughts etc. to rattle around and take hold I wasn't sure if she'd get what I meant. She did, replying that a full brain is a rewarded brain.

I've mentioned in the past that I can get very obsessive over things, doing them to the exclusion of others. That obsession runs its course and is then done. One day I can be perfectly happy doing X but wake up the next unable to do so – no matter how I try. It's like my brain says "I'm done with that, we're doing this now." I want to go left but my brain goes right and I have no say in the matter, just carried along on the journey.

She didn't claim to understand how my brain works and why it does this but said I need to accept the changes and go with the flow. I know that a lot of my problems come from fighting it, and then resenting it. That's part of what makes my mood and emotions fall off a cliff. If need to trust my brain and believe it's doing what's best for me even if I don't understand why.

If I took nothing else from the session she urged me to remember that kindness, honesty, and acceptance (to, with and of myself) lead to self-compassion. Which is what I've always be very bad at.

That's a good place to start.

While I've been putting tracks together for the past couple of years now finally getting things onto a platform where someone could potentially pay has brought it home that this is the most serious I've ever been about it. There is a duty of care to make things sound as good as I can within the confines of what I have.

I was supposed to have a CBT session on Monday in which I was due to suggest things that I specifically wanted help with. I was struggling to come up with anything beyond what we had already been talking about so, in a way, it's handy that I had to cancel.

My brain has been full – in a good way – and I've been too occupied to dwell on things, especially negatives. I needed this. I'm hesitant to call it a distraction as it's more finding enjoyment and purpose in doing something creative and productive, something just for me. Finding that sense of purpose in something, even if only for a while.