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It got to the point where we decided to do covid tests last night. They were negative.

I have an initial assessment with Talking Therapies on the 9th October — a getting to know you and see what's bet chat. Will see how that goes and how it compares to what I did last year.

I've been trying to keep a bit busier and get into a better routine with housework etc. but it's still hard. Overall, things are feeling a bit better since upping the meds but I'm definitely better when busy and invested — not just busy.

World of Warcraft is still taking up a lot of time and I'm really enjoying it. I've been farming Tier 8 Delves for gear on both the characters I'm currently playing. The thing with WoW is that it is pure escapism but with continual micro-rewards. I suppose that's why I find it so addictive. Every quest completed, every packs of mobs defeated, every bit of gear collected, it's all a little dopamine hit that keeps me coming back for more.

While my second character may have only been created a few months ago, I have been playing my main for years. There is a huge degree of attachment to him. That and an attachment to the world itself. You spend so long in this other world that it's almost like a second life. It's a bit like the blog; I may get bored or fed up from time to time and stop but I always come back.

A mixture of apathy and distraction meant I got no further.

I'm still in a creative slump and it's been about a month since I even turned on any of my gear. I fired up Ableton Live but only to export a couple of test recordings that will likely never make it to finished tracks:

• darkness descends
• monkey on my back

They're both essentially complete yet short and don't fully explore what I wanted to do with them. Still, they hold up well enough to be shared even if it's a shame they won't go any further. Monkey has about the hardest kick drum I've ever put in a track and one of the best acid lines I've made in ages. It feels like a bit of a waste.

I was holding back on releasing "Not Enough Dictionaries to Cry" as Monkey was going to join it. It's been done for almost two months so I think it's time to get it out there. Maybe later today.

The new WoW expansion is great fun, the best in ages, and feels like proper Warcraft again. We bought the 'Epic Edition' of the update to get the early access and it's been monopolising all my time. I have utterly immersed myself in the story and world.

It's been to the detriment of other stuff and, as I said before, I know it's a form of escapism but it's hard to shift the mindset as I shrink within myself.

We rejoined Costco recently and have made a couple of trips over the past two weeks. My anxiety has kicked in heavily both times and it's been hard to manage that and not bolt for the door. Fortunately, my wife is fantastic at keeping me focused and grounded so I've gotten through it without too much damage.

In keeping with the 'treat yourself like you are' mantra she bought me a diary/journal designed for those with inattentive ADHD. It has to-do lists, gratitude logs and 'big wins' sections, amongst others, and is supposed to help keep you on track when distracted. The problem is that I keep forgetting to use it.

I've long battled with physically writing things down by hand (as mentioned here numerous times over the years) and struggle to build a routine with it as the focus.

It was good to get back to Tai Chi this week after two weeks out. ¹ I've previously described Tai Chi as "full body meditation" but the body soon forgets when you're out of practice.

Rather than the specific moves, the biggest thing is moving in a way that you're just not used to in normal daily life — everything is slow and deliberate — so it's hard to adjust and resist the temptation to rush.

I suppose it's a metaphor for life in general.

The teacher has some videos on YouTube which I've watched a few times. I might try to establish a habit of putting them on the TV in the lounge and do a regular morning session.

My usual post cadence has always rendered weeknotes fairly redundant.

Until they're not.

It's been a difficult week. Tuesday saw me slip in the rain and hurt my knee so I couldn't go to Tai Chi in the evening — knees are pretty fundamental to the whole thing. The teacher is on holiday next week so the next session is the 27^th.

Wednesday was a tough day. It was my four week review appointment but my usual doctor is on holiday for two weeks. Cue instant anxiety about seeing someone else. The appointment was mid afternoon so I had most of the day to stress over it and work myself into a mild panic.

He wasn't great but the upshot is that I'm still off work for another month and my autism/ADHD referral has been sent off. The results haven't come back yet from my MRI but I'm not expecting anything there.

I think part of the fear was that a different doctor wouldn't sign me off again and that I'd be thrown straight back into work with no warning when I am definitely not ready.

World of Warcraft is still dominating my attention. I know it's both an escape and a means of avoidance but that's where my mind currently sits. Fighting it could throw me into a spiral so I'm just letting it play out.

The new expansion launches on the 26^th and I've been upgrading the gear on my main to be as ready as possible. I've only been playing solo content (so no raids or dungeons except follower dungeons for story). My aim is to reach iLevel 500 before the 26^th (for those that understand) and I'm currently on 498 499. Shouldn't be long.

Our sole surviving guinea pig had been off colour recently, eating little and not coming out of his 'house' as much as usual. We suspected that he might be in his final days but it was still a shock to come downstairs this morning and find he had passed.

Gary outlived his brother, Jeff, by eleven months. While most will say that a guinea pig won't survive long after losing it's only cage-mate, Gary absolutely thrived on his own. He seemed to prefer it. Maybe it was because he got all the attention and food.

I spent a while before lunch cleaning out and dismantling his cage. It all went to the tip in the afternoon leaving a 'hole' in our house to match the one in our hearts.