I had to write a "life history" as related to potential autism/ADHD symptoms. For some reason it took me a long time to do. I started it a couple of weeks ago then stepped away and couldn't return until earlier this week.
Something my doctor said was that while waiting for any kind of diagnosis "treat yourself as though you are". It's been good advice.
It's a strange experience, however, to look back with a new lens and effectively retcon your life. With both conditions not really entertaining popular parlance until the 90's I was just shy, quiet, weird, a loner.
It's been hard to reinterpret things but also remarkably affirming. To have some kind of reason for why I am how I am is a relief. It's a cliché but knowing I'm "different, not broken" is not exactly liberating but reassuring.
My wife says I seem to have become "more autistic" since we started down this route but I think that's because, knowing what I now know, that I have almost been leaning into it or, at least, making less of an attempt to mask it.
Treat myself as though I am.
I have no doubt that the depression is also a contributory factor to my behaviour and the impression others may have of it. I tend to withdraw, become insular, which exacerbates the social anxiety.
I am painfully aware that I use sarcasm and, sometimes, crass or inappropriate comments as a mask or shield in certain social situations. It's almost like a nervous tick. This is definitely something I need to work on. I have to resist the temptation to blurt something out when staying quiet is the better option even if that may seem rude or be uncomfortable in its own right.
