My carrier has mailed saying that my phone is worth enough to trade in to clear the outstanding balance so I might go and ask about upgrading on Saturday.
Lying in the bath recently, reading old posts from 2012, I realised the one thing the blog had that made it special: passion. I was genuinely passionate about what I was writing.
At times, I think it is that passion which I am trying to rekindle, although not for the same subject — that boat has well and truly sailed.
It made me question exactly what it is I am passionate about now:
I keep going back to the same question: what is a blog? A personal one that is. I always return to the same answer: the story of its author.
It's ridiculous to think that a blog will be consistent — as we change out story changes, and so the story the blog tells will change. It's less by the people for the people, more about the self for the self, with a nod to those who might be looking on. If that generates interest and sparks conversation then great, otherwise it's just me communicating with my past, present and future selves. And that's as valid a reason to blog as any.
Despite writing (predominantly) for self, I think I still get hung up on what I'm committing to word. The journal remains the truly private avenue for certain thoughts, notes and to serve as a reminder of the day but I feel like I've lost a degree of the same freedom from the public side of things and I'm not sure why.
I've written in the past about my own preference (when reading the blogs of others) for getting to the person behind the words irrespective of what those words might be about. If I'm like that then who's to say that those others aren't? Some may be purely focused on topics of interest but the rest will likely be just like me, treating the words as a vehicle, a conduit to the author.
And that's how things should be.
We don't have to like or agree with everything someone writes but even the disagreements are learning opportunities, a chance to educate or be educated. Each sentence, paragraph or chapter of the story helps to pull back the curtain just a little further.
Maybe that's a bit scary.
So what's the answer? Stick to those things that hold the passion.
During a meeting with my new manager, he said that each member of his team should have an extracurricular activity within work, something to periodically provide respite and distance from the day job, but it absolutely had to be something they were interested in or else would defeat the purpose. It would feel like just another chore. I'm not suggesting that posting is ever a chore, far from it, but the principle is the same: the story told by the blog has to be of interest to me first.
Perhaps what I write will gain more focus. Maybe I will find more things to be passionate about. Things may read more like a compendium or anthology than a single story but that's okay — there will always be underlying themes and trends. Whatever happens, it has to spark that passion.
Only then will it feel right again.