Despite trying to foster slow writing I find myself struggling to return to a couple of drafts. After a busy weekend I am mentally distanced from thoughts I was having just a scant few days ago.
This always happens.
I know I need to stick it out, to persist, but I don't want to force something and have it not meet my original vision.
It's not that I am seeking perfection (something I've been guilty of many times in the past) but that I have lost my train of thought and I hate it when an idea is only half baked. Looking back at what I've written I can see this already happening as the draft meanders from paragraph to paragraph, point to point, getting wider in scope as I extrapolate the themes.
I've written numerous times about having an exceptionally low boredom threshold juxtaposed with the ability to immerse myself in things for hours without realising how long has passed. I can spend hours obsessing over the tiniest of details which may seem impossibly trivial then struggle with the important things.
There are elements of autism and ADHD battling each other without either really coming to the fore or being excessive enough to have sufficient impact, but they're there, just like the depression and anxiety. I don't doubt they are all related.
It is just immensely frustrating; a word, itself, appearing on the blog with increasing regularity.