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@colinwalker That claustrophobic feeling is maddening but that’s exactly what it feels like.

Colin, I don’t want to add to your anxiety, but have you been checked for thyroid disease.

@colinwalker I’m challenged by this as well. Having to attend the Perth Royal Show this year I particularly noticed it - an increasing heartbeat and the feeling of being compressed from all sides. I used to fight it; now I accept it and listen to what my mind/body needs and worry less about negative judgement if I decide to step away.

@colinwalker I grew up with a lot of anxiety. I don't think it's related to depression. It might help for you to read what Dave Winer wrote about one of his mottos. I found it to be quite brilliant, the brilliance actually coming from Fritz Perls. In short, don't sit in the anxiety, get into action, break through the fear and actually do the thing that has you frozen!

The key line in one of Dylan's greatest songs, Angelina, is "Just step into the arena." Dylan should know, he's been doing that his whole career, stepping into the arena, the places others have been afraid to go. You never ever read about Dylan suffering from anxiety. He's just always going down the road, heading for another joint on his never-ending tour.

I wish you well, Colin.

Actually yes, a couple of times and it's been fine. My physical/medical issue is the B12 deficiency which is known to cause depression, memory loss and some behavioural changes but I've never seen it specifically linked to anxiety.

@Ron Thanks Ron, I appreciate it and also the references. It's definitely something I have to deal with/confront but there is the frustration of not knowing why it started.

It's a process and it will take time.

@Ron That advice, for some people, would be terrible advice. If anxiety really is impacting someone’s life, they should try to speak to a mental health practitioner (not possible for everyone, to be sure) and find what works for them. Neither “do the thing that has you frozen” nor “just step into the arena”, for example, would work for the anxiety issues related to my autism. I’m sure it works for some, but people should be mindful about what paths to take, and not take, for themselves.

@colinwalker Hey Colin — as someone who has bipolar disorder and a comorbidity with acute anxiety, I'm sending lots of strength and wishes for reslience your way. It really is a very, very different thing (symptomatically) from depression, but it's important to remember that it may be—despite what some people have responded to you—a comorbidity, and that there is a relationship between your anxiety and depression. (I think many people hear the word anxiety and think of being anxious, without realizing that anxiety is an actual diagnosis with defined physical symptoms.) If you do actually have clinical anxiety, the likelihood that it is linked to your depression is quite high, and it's worth chatting with your mental health practitioner to help tease out what that relationship and linking may be. In the meantime, stay strong. Sending good wishes for resilience and an ease of symptoms.

@bix I am coming to realize through your writing and now exchanges with @colinwalker something that I think even many physicians don’t realize. We all experience anxiety. The techniques most people can use to cope with it don’t work for someone with an Anxiety diagnosis.

@fgtech Yes I think that’s a fair and important piece of this. @colinwalker

@bix @colinwalker The same can be said for depression, stress, and burnout. If you have Depression or Stress or Burnout, it’s not necessarily something you can Just Breathe or Just Rest your way through. Not many people understand why medical help may be needed to recover.

@vasta Thank you for chiming in your experience as well. All of this is giving me a much deeper understanding of people I know. Brains are complicated.

@colinwalker hey Colin, popped back onto m.b. to send you a comment on this.

What you’re experiencing is absolutely on par with myself. I’ve had clinical depression for years, but since 2015 it’s been “upped” with General Anxiety Disorder as well. I wrote a little bit about My Panic Attack back in 2016. With correct medication, and lots of therapy, I’ve managed to not have one in about a year.

That doesn’t, unfortunately, stop what my therapist and I call despair attacks, something I’ve never had to deal with before, but leave me every bit as destroyed as a panic attack.

I hope you get all the help you need to get you through all of this, but you absolutely are not alone. Sadly, even those of us long in the tooth of mental health issues find new and “exciting” ways to make things harder.

@dgold Thanks Dan, appreciate it. I'll read your post a bit later.

@vasta Thanks Sameer. Indeed, I do wonder if the severity of the depression this time round is very much a causal factor. I am planning a return to the doctor soon (mental health practitioner is a bit of an overstatement) and am going to explore a couple of other avenues.

@colinwalker I think @vasta is right - this could easily be comorbidity with depression. Everything I have read indicates that anxiety and depression are commonly bedfellows - either anxiety causing depression (this best describes my situation), or vice versa.

In fact, I was reading an article last night regarding research into how symptoms shared by both anxiety and depression could be ‘gateway’ symptoms from one condition to the other. Sadly can’t find the article now.

Clinical anxiety can be as crippling as depression, as I have found. I hope you find the help you need - NHS Talking therapies is worth a try. Your GP should refer you, but you can also self refer.

@strandlines Depression comorbidity remains the open question on my end. As far as my original diagnosing therapist got, while I was imploding due to an attempt at Vocational Rehabilitation, was that I definitely was experiencing "depressive episodes”, but we never really got to follow that thread because VocRehab only paid for 7 sessions. @colinwalker @vasta

@colinwalker Yes, you will need to sort through what is happening. You have certainly gotten a variety of advice to consider. I hope you will find a path that works well for you!

@bix What I wrote was freely given, in hope that it "might help" him. Of course he will have to evaluate that for himself and find out what works for him. It was certainly not my intention to offer anything that might be terrible advice.

As part of his 30 day series on dealing with anxiety CJ Chilvers wrote about the beneficial effects of music and it being, at least, a temporary way to get "out of your own head" and act as a coping mechanism. Music certainly isn't a cure per se, one has to continue after the music stops, but it is certainly a distraction that has the ability to numb you to problems, thoughts and emotions, a reset button. For me, it's not necessarily about getting out of my head, rather about retreating inward into a safe space. Music becomes a shield against the sense that everyone is watching, a bubble within which to hide, almost like a child covering their eyes then declaring no one can see them. Bix articulates it perfectly as "that claustrophobic sensation of feeling like you are on public display" - an oppressive sensation that takes control even when you know it's not the case. Whether you want to call it being distracted or "taken out of your own head" I like to think of it as getting lost within the endless space between thoughts. Negative thought cycles are like pathways on which you can become trapped, your own fears and neuroses forcing you to continue down them as they become ever narrower with ever higher walls, penning you in until you can find no way out. Getting lost breaks down those walls, helps me find a way off the path and into the wilderness beyond where this is no thought, no expectation, just the sounds of the music.

Colin Walker describes his anxiety as “a feeling I can only liken to claustrophobia”, a term I use frequently in just this manner. One thing to know about anxiety is that it doesn’t always require “busy, crowded environments”; I can be at an empty transit stop, or even alone at home, and that claustrophobic feeling sets in. Your mileage, or Walker’s, may vary. It’s also interesting that Walker mentions being an introvert, because I’ve discussed since early on how prior to my midlife autism diagnosis, I’d been unknowingly accommodating and mitigating some aspects of that unknown autism through a sort of introvert’s toolkit—some of those aspects unquestionably stemming from my comorbid anxiety. I haven’t really been following along with CJ Chilvers’ series on anxiety but today’s speaks to me because it’s about applying what Chilvers calls “constraints”. Chilvers suggests that “too much information and too many options when making decisions is great trigger for your anxiety”, and to be sure it’s an issue with the psychically-toxic stew of my autism’s executive dysfunction and that comorbid anxiety. It’s precisely why one of the first things I did post-diagnosis was drastically and dramatically reduce the need to make a number of daily decisions, very much including Chilvers’ selections of food and clothing. One thing to consider if you think constraints will help is also to communicate with those around you. I’ve made it clear to family, for example, that surprises are bad for me. Earlier this year, I found a terrific statement in Caroline Criado Perez’s Invisible Women that’s about kinesiology and motion sickness but applies wonderfully to the idea of surprise: ”anticipatory control is just better than compensatory control”. Knowing what’s coming (anticipatory) is far less of a strain on my autistic and anxious brain than is having to react and respond to a sudden stimulus (compensatory). Walker’s post on anxiety and claustrophobia set off a discussion on Micro.blog that’s been pretty spirited, engaged, and enlightening. I agree with Andrew Canion when he urges “listen to what [your] mind/body needs and worry less about negative judgement if [you] decide to step away”. I disagree with Ron Chester that you should “break through the fear and actually do the thing that has you frozen”. I agree with Sameer Vasta that “it’s worth chatting with your mental health practitioner” (while understanding that not everyone has access to one). I agree with Matt Huyck that while “we all experience anxiety” that’s not necessarily the same as “an anxiety diagnosis”. Much of that discussion centers around the causal or correlative interplay between anxiety and depression, and that’s where I beg off. As I said, comorbid depression remains the open question on my end, since my original diagnosing therapist and I never had the time or opportunity to explore beyond my clearly being subject to “depressive episodes”. There’s always maybe another door to have to walk through, or to help others walk through. As I previously said to Walker, writing in public also is crucial for destigmatizing the issue. Those of us who can stomach doing so, therefore, should definitely continue do so.

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Author: Bix


    The unsupported use case of a mediocre, autistic midlife in St. Johns, Oregon —now with added global pandemic.          <a href="https://bix.blog/author/bix">
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