What to write about in a year that's been dominated by Covid and started with what I thought was an eye infection but turned out to be a recurrent case of scleritis and macular edema.
It almost doesn't seem possible that tomorrow will be seven months to the day since I started working from home.
I think this year has largely been about keeping the lights on and hitting targets while I still look for other opportunities. Nothing spectacular.
Lockdown and continuing restrictions have been both a blessing and a curse. In one sense it's been good not to have to worry about commuting and the risk associated with it, an attack vector for some anxiety is removed, but the timelessness caused by living within the confines of your home is not good for you and I continue to have ups and downs on the mental health front.
Considering that a lot of my mental health issues stem from self-esteem problems, the ability to adequately sell myself and any accomplishments has always been difficult. End of year reviews are hard enough at the best of times without the added complication of a global pandemic and everything it brings with it.
Those little voices in my head telling me I'm not good enough become almost overpowering in the isolation of lockdown and restrictions.
Still, I know I'm not alone, it's been a hard year for everyone and I take comfort in the fact that the lights are still on and I'm still able to function - it hasn't beaten me even though it's been hard. At times, really hard.
You just have to keep on surviving, appreciating the small wins whenever and wherever you can get them.