Colin Walker

I've been having a few down days lately. I know a lot of it is boredom and frustration rather than actual depression, but that doesn't help too much. I get into a self-fuelling cycle of feeling low which impacts my ability to concentrate (even more than the ADHD already does) which makes me feel worse, and so on. The frustration comes from knowing I can, and should, be doing certain things but can't focus enough to do them.

Dave Winer shared the link to a podcast discussing male loneliness and what happens when men lose their close friends or cannot, for whatever reason, make new ones. It was US centric (with regards to statistics) but very relatable.

I wrote last year about my experiences of friendship, how I am friendly with people but don't consider myself to have any close friends of my own — most people I know outside of work are primarily my wife's friends. Yes, I would call a few of them friends but only at the surface level. They are not people I speak to individually without being with my wife and, likewise, don't socialise with any of them.

Part of the podcast discussion mentioned that men were often too reliant on their wives in the absence of having any close friends. I can certainly relate to this.

I stopped going to Tai Chi after a few months because I just didn't feel I fitted. No disrespect to anyone there, but they were mostly 20 years older then me and we had absolutely nothing in common. I just felt uncomfortable, the odd one out.

That's how I've felt most of my life.