# Most will tell you that the beauty of morning pages is that they're private, you can write whatever you want, regardless of how personal, stupid, inane, and no one need ever see it. They can be used to work through issues, to clear the mind ready for the day ahead, but can then be forgotten, discarded.
To me they are all this and so much more: they are a playground, a staging post, a seething cauldron from which ideas can be birthed, ideas that can and should (in my opinion) be shared. Such a thought came to me during a session last week:
While I'm excited about starting the muse-letter I'm also nervous as hell, anxious about it in a way I don't understand; I have moments of panic that I'm starting something I won't be able to continue, that I won't be able to do justice. I don't want to fail but if I don't try I'll never know if I can succeed, I'll never get anywhere, with this... with anything.
So I have to, I need to push myself, to step very deliberately out of my comfort zone, force myself to do hard, awkward, scary. Only by doing this will I learn and grow. I could take the easy option but people have signed up and I don't want to disappoint them - or myself.
I can't hide. I've been hiding all my life. Yes, I write the blog and am usually pretty open with what gets published but that's simple. I can write anything and people read it or they don't. The muse-letter is different, people sign up expecting something, they expect interesting, consistent, substance.
I fret that I don't have that in me on a regular basis.
It's one of those "it seemed a good idea at the time" things but reality is knocking on the door and I'm now thinking "what the hell am I doing?"
I publish something almost every day so what's the big deal? Perhaps it's because it's got a name, it's a "big idea" but I just have to think of it as a series of smaller ones, individual, manageable. I didn't think I was this nervous about it but that's where the morning pages come in to their own, they make you honest and help you see things you otherwise might not.
So the time for procrastination is over. I'm finished with the plumbing I just need to get something flowing through the pipes. I'm proud of the mechanism I've created so now just need to be equally proud of what it allows me to do.
The first edition of the muse-letter will, WILL, be sent out on Friday so there's still some time to sign up.