Being off work for such a long period opens up a lot of thinking time I wouldn’t normally get.
This can be a double edged sword.
On the one hand I’ve had time to add functionality to the blog, read more and take an online course but, on the other, I’ve had the capacity to really examine what I’ve been doing for the past 18 months.
I think I've reached one of those junctures where I'm not entirely sure what I want to do or achieve with my online presence.
It happens from time to time and I've been through various phases in the past 14 years or so, wanting to be or accomplish different things.
I know one thing: social media is not the way I want to spend my time. Returning to social would be doing so just for the sake of it, not because it would actually achieve anything. It's not as though I would be using it as a tool to promote something more worthwhile.
I'm not running a business or promoting a product or book, using it as a customer service avenue or outreach tool.
No, I would be simply posting status updates for the purpose of posting status updates. And without a goal or plan even my blogging is starting to feel a little empty.
I have no need to modify the site or develop new functionality - I'm very happy with how it looks and works - so "getting meta" is not currently an option. Although that can only be a viable one for so long.
I think my desire to make a difference is actually down to wanting to achieve something worthwhile, something of value. Not financially but creatively.
I want to produce something that stands out, stands alone; something I can be truly proud of. Instead I just scrawl angst-ridden words on to a page - words about nothing in particular.
I dance around the matter rather than actually doing something about it. But therein lies the problem: I don't know the what or how.
If I did I'd be doing it already!
(I wrote this last night while unable to sleep and was unsure of whether I should post it. But I decided not to censor myself and the best way to hold myself accountable is to put it out there.)