The addictive nature of depression

Addiction:

the state of being enslaved to a habit or practice or to something that is psychologically or physically habit-forming

Searching for depression and addiction will return you endless discussions and studies on whether patients can, and do, become addicted to antidepressants. Change your search term a little, dig a bit deeper and you’ll find the occasional piece, and a few Reddit threads, on the addictive nature of the illness rather than the treatment.

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The addictive nature of depression

Yesterday was the anniversary of my decision to step back from the blog, a reflection of my realisation/admittance that things weren’t good on the mental health front.

It’s been a rollercoaster year.

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The poem “The Stream” was an illustration that depression is often contextual.

We’re currently on holiday and the stream in the poem is in one of my favourite places: The Trough of Bowland, a jewel hidden within the wider Forest of Bowland area of natural beauty.

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The StreamComments

Endless transient, fractal patterns,
Belie the apparent calm.
Stone weirs play different notes:
A binaural symphony that alters as one turns the head.
Peaceful, yet with a persistent cacophony.
Ripples spread while eddies cause leaves to rebel against the flow.

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The Stream

Boredom

I started writing something about possibly moving back to iPhone from Android after only a year this time – I tend to switch between them every 2-3 years. In doing so, I began to list the reasons (or maybe justifications) for why I was thinking about it.

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Boredom

Making changesComments

I’ve been doing some thinking – I know, always dangerous.

Returning to pen and paper on the way to work this morning I started making a few notes in response to James’ post and extrapolated somewhat to the point where I set some things in motion internally. I think they’re continuations of how I’ve been thinking and feeling for a while but have coalesced into something more solid.

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Making changes

This past week I have deliberately and drastically reduced my phone usage; there have even been times when I haven’t carried it.

It felt strange at first but then it became liberating.

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I’m on holiday this week so posts are likely to be a bit thin on the ground. I’ll be having quite a digital free few days.

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It’s raining for the first time in what seems forever but I don’t reach for my umbrella; it’s refreshing, a gift, makes me feel alive.

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More on migraines

Last night saw me retiring early with another, although I’m sure I never completely got over the one from last week.

I’ve never really been one to experience a “prodrome” in connection with my migraines – a period up to a couple of days before an attack where other symptoms may manifest as a warning. At least not that I can recall.

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More on migraines

Although World of Warcraft was supposed to be down until 10am this morning for the BfA pre-patch I was able to log in around 5am. As with all new expansions, however, it’s an initial game of addon roulette until things get updated.

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Yesterday was a fun day of predominantly gaming but we also rewatched Rogue One (again) in the evening – still one of my favourite Star Wars films.

Unfortunately, the car wasn’t ready thanks to Vauxhall not being forthcoming that they weren’t doing next day delivery of a part.

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Hot on the heels of our anniversary today I celebrate 47 trips around the sun (yes, we arranged them to be that close on purpose.)

Do I feel my age? I don’t really know what 47 is supposed to feel like so I can’t answer that. I certainly don’t act like it.

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Yesterday was our 23rd wedding anniversary. Wow, 23 years!

Unfortunately, just as we were planning on heading out, our car decided it would be a good time for the accelerator pedal sensors to fail rendering it immobile.

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