# It's Friday again and another week feels like it's disappeared in the blink of an eye. People talk about 2020 being a lost year, stolen by Covid, and I suppose in some senses that's right. But it all depends on context.

Covid and lockdown have certainly meant that some things we take for granted have not been available to us. There have, however, been other opportunities that we might have overlooked.

I'll be the first to admit that I have let 2020 slip by, not taken advantage of things in the way I could have. My mental health problems have been compounded causing me to retreat into my own head. Despite this, as a family, we made the decision to take a leap of faith and move half way across the country in search of a better life.

Things aren't final and I still haven't found a new job but taking that initial step is often the hardest part.

Things are different and will remain different for some time to come but that doesn't mean everything stops. I'm starting to realise how much time I've wasted, how much I've let life pass me by over recent months, and how much better things could be.

It's hard to admit that and even harder to do anything about it.

Current circumstances mean that life is very uncertain and there is an underlying anxiety pervading just about everything. What's so special about now? Life is always uncertain, it's just the degree of uncertainty that throws us, the extra angst over not being in control - or, at least, not as much control.

From a work perspective I have relished lockdown, I'm not exactly the most sociable of people and can experience anxiety over crowded spaces. Not having to commute and deal with people on a face-to-face basis has been a blessing. Still, living with a constant background sense of FUD takes its toll and amplifies the effects of my already fragile state of mind.

This is probably why I become so immersed in things like building the digital garden: they are opportunities to hide in plain sight, to appear as though I'm doing something while avoiding what I should be doing.

The challenge is in emerging from these safe spaces, accepting that I am not in control and making the most of what I have available to me. Not an easy task at the best of times.

# It completely escaped my attention that it was Friday the 13th. I'm not superstitious about it anyway.

Some believe the origin of 'unlucky 13' comes from the Bible as Judas was the 13th guest and betrayed Jesus. In Norse mythology, Loki ruined a dinner party of the gods and plunged the world into darkness; yep, he was the 13th guest.

An interesting parallel there.

Friday has long been considered the unluckiest day of the week. Put the two together and you've got a perfect storm.

Colin Walker Colin Walker colin@colinwalker.blog