What you’re experiencing is absolutely on par with myself. I’ve had clinical depression for years, but since 2015 it’s been “upped” with General Anxiety Disorder as well. I wrote a little bit about My Panic Attack back in 2016. With correct medication, and lots of therapy, I’ve managed to not have one in about a year.
That doesn’t, unfortunately, stop what my therapist and I call despair attacks, something I’ve never had to deal with before, but leave me every bit as destroyed as a panic attack.
I hope you get all the help you need to get you through all of this, but you absolutely are not alone. Sadly, even those of us long in the tooth of mental health issues find new and “exciting” ways to make things harder.